Hello, I am a twenty-something average woman who is lucky enough to hold down a full time job, is in my first long term relationship and still makes enough time for a gym membership, yet, I still talk to my mother at least once, if not twice, or three times, a day.
I recently read that the feeling of loneliness can be determined by how much contact one has with women. Meaning that between both men and women, being lonely was caused by a lack of communication and relationship with a female. Time spent with men did not even factor into this equation. Gretchen Rubin noted this in her February chapter of The Happiness Project. I love my mom and I have found myself with fewer friends these days so is this close phone relationship with my mother because, regardless of the full life I have made for myself, I have still managed to feel lonely?
I don't necessarily mind that I speak to my mother probably more than the average college graduate. She has that uncanny ability to irritate me and reassure me all in the same call. And maybe I shouldn't even be questioning if I am lonely or not, but I can not ignore that having only a few options when I want to spend some quality female-to-female time really hits that lonely note.
I feel guilty for even complaining, but reading Rubin's little info tidbit made me sigh with understanding. A few options equals a few opinions, a few perspectives and basically a general lack of friends.
See, these options are composed of my mainly my mother and my sister. Biased and similar in opinion. And though I love Chad, he probably even qualifies as my best friend, he is male and therefore useless as a deep, reflective and utterly female insight kind of relationship.
I am not male bashing, just acknowledging that men do not communicate like women do and to expect a thoughtful conversation about feelings, insecurities or footwear is not realistic. In fact, it is the expecting that really puts a damper on things and I have to constantly remind myself to accept that Chad is not a stand-in for a best girl friend, which is something entirely to it's own.
The couple girlfriends I do have, they are great but not without obstacles. Obstacles preventing a deeper friendship I mean. Whether it be poorly matched schedules or a literal long distance between us, I am still left missing the female connection. After 20 years of always having a best friend by my side, this three year lapse as started to take it's toll.
Where did all the girlfriends go? In actuality, I probably pushed them away in a quest to grow up a bit and since then every time a possibility comes around, I seem to scare her into acquantanceville, the place for semi-friend who are nice and all, but not really meant for any type of divulging or phone calls after 7 pm. Do I come across as too desperate, needy, or maybe the opposite affect, too aloof. Did I say the wrong thing? Fail some secret friendship test? Hey, maybe it's because I refer to her as "the possibility." A possibility for what? A beautiful budding bff forever?! Pretty scary. No wonder. Looking for new friends is scarier than dating. There seems to be so much more at risk.
Actually, I understand that the friendships I do have are more than likely normal adult relationships and I only want more because the media and stalking facebook photos has developed the notion that friends are aplenty and it;s not normal not to talk or see one on a daily basis. I can be logical about this. I guess what I want is just more options and less lonely. Because more is always better right? Perhaps not in some scenarios, like choosing an outfit or dessert, but in the case of friendships, how could more not be better?
To the point: I want Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte AND Miranda in my life. Let's make it into a Fivesome Friendship!
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