spring prep, impulses and a plan of action

i finally buckled down and forced myself to clean out the closet tonight.

A semi-annual event, the ridding of too worn out, too big, too small, too ugly and just too much, always lifts some of that lingering mix of guilt and anxiety that settles in after realizing that there are too many things in your life. Literally "things" that collect after impulse purchases resulting from various degrees of too much feelings.

"I'm feeling down, let's go to Target!" "I'm pissed, Forever 21 here I come!" "God I'm stressed, better relax at the good old JC Penney!" Sound familiar?

I buy clothes, makeup, accessories and even food at whim by this point, choosing based off colors rather than fit and convincing myself that in future, better days, this would all look/feel/taste amazing on or in me. I believe it borders on an addiction when one manically drives to the nearest shopping center and proceeds to speed walk through the parking lot and up and down aisles looking for that fix; a special feeling that nothing seems to satisfy. Much like a crack whore looks for her nearest drug dealer.,, Too blunt?

Oh and how disturbed I feel weeks later when I realize that I will never wear that god awful shirt or those hurtful shoes. I will never use that fruit or cheese for that fabulous recipe, instead it will rot in my apartment. They all just end up rotting in my apartment. And then that's where the real guilt comes in. It's a vicious cycle, it really is. I am talking hundreds probably thousands of $ spent on impulse "emotional shopping." And every season, as a I clean out the things I basically bought just to store, I feel like a turd. I really am a materialistic animal just like the rest of America.

However, once the guilt passes, I am on my way to feeling empowered and excited. Just giddy with the thought of a new season, new possibilities and a new plan of action now unburdened by things. Of course, there will still be things. There will always be things. But I'd like to think that these things accumulate a little slower than before and will be loved for being the beautiful things they are. And when I rid of these nicer things, it will be for a better purpose than to rid of the unsightly and unused.

I realize that it may sound like I am justifying my continued, often gluttonous, consuming. But really aren't I only to trying to cleanse myself of guilt and anxiety, to stop the cycle by acknowledging and letting it pass. I am finding that this attitude resolves a lot of negative emotions. Now if only I could figure out what to do with the pile of shoes, purses and clothes just sitting in the corner...